Single-parent (also lone parent, solo parent and sole parent) is a parent who cares for one or more children without the physical assistance of the other parent in the home.
but it’s really hard to see that as a bad thing when I have so much support from friends and family. Is her father around? No. Will I be living alone and the one solely responsible for my daughter on a day to day basis? Absolutely. But I’ve said it many times, I was able to make my choice when I unexpectedly found myself pregnant and her father was also able to make his choice too. Thats the way it works. We each had our choices to make. I chose to fight for her. &I am obviously happy with my choice and I will always be able to look back and say I do not regret a single choice I’ve made or action I’ve done.
So yes, making a choice to proceed in this pregnancy alone, being a single mom, and going to a 6 hour birthing class alone is a very empowering thing. I get to decide what to name her, how I want the birth plan to go, how she will be raised, what values she will be taught, what is best and what isn’t, and no one can decide otherwise for her. I get all these choices and more. And when I do need help on these topics or other situations a friend or family member is just a phone call away for moral support, advice, or whatever. It really is the best of both worlds. Maybe her genetic father will be there, maybe he wont, it’s really not up to me to decide, but either way I am sure, in time and if life calls for it, she will have a very positive and loving father figure in her life. Timing isn’t always perfect and things aren’t always easy, but sometimes really amazing outcomes can come from the darkest of situations. But until all situations are worked it will be me and babycakes being two small, but tough (and stubborn) female fighters living alone and making our way, but having the luck of being surrounded by so much love.
With all the reading, documentary watching, and internet researching I’ve done I don’t believe I learned much from the birthing class about the actual birth that I didn’t already know. But I know the class did benefit me because I was able to take the time to look inward and really think about what is (and will be) important to me. And I certainly gained some confidence in my doulas abilities to aid in my labor. A lot more of the class than I had anticipated was partner based, and how your partner will be there to support you and aid you through the process of labor. And as ideal as it would be to have my partner sitting behind me and massaging my back telling me encouraging words, its not going to work that way. But I will be fortunate to have my doula who is a trained masseuse there to help me through it…. and if I don’t go into early labor I will have my mother and my best friend Lisa also by my side.
During the class we watched a few videos, one in which a woman was describing pregnancy as a way to rebuild yourself and let go of any past conflicts. I surely relate to this view. Through this pregnancy I have become a much stronger, confident, and positive person. Of course I still have a list of fears, like any soon to be parent, but I feel as if this pregnancy has pushed me forward in a new way. I have released many of my previous anxieties and replaced them with encouraging outlook and way of dealing with things. Everything about me has changed and is changing, my body and my emotions are truly being rebuilt. One thing I need to work on is taking down my wall…. everyday there is a battle to let go. I put up a rather large wall throughout this pregnancy to not get hurt anymore, and as useful as a wall is to keep out conflict and as powerful as a wall can make me feel, it can also block a lot of good things from coming in. One day at a time I am working on replacing my wall with a door all while becoming and a stronger, calmer, and more confident mother on the inside.