I know this whole experience has changed me a lot. I am a very different person than I was 9 months ago. I’ve had a lot of obstacles to overcome and I have made it through each and every one of them. I trust in myself and in my strength a lot….. but sometimes… like right now, a wave of insecurity sweeps over me. I get scared and I tighten up and I even find myself holding my breath just so that I wont cry. Why? Is it because of these obstacles and hard times I’ve gone through? Or is it just the change in weather and the clouds covering up the whole sky today? Not one person will understand the amount of pain I was put through because I could not choose to do an abortion for someone else. Or will they? I’m sure other woman have experienced it too, but none that I know. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced, and like I said, I’ve overcome it… but not without side effects. I’ve moved on, and as happy or as lucky as I feel now.. the fear will still find me from time to time. Breathe in. Breathe out. I’m scared to experience that pain again. I’m scared to be treated that way again. I’m scared to not catch it before it starts and not be able to stop it if it does. Not all things are bad. Not all people will cause pain. I absolutely need to find a way to not let the fear get in the way of my life and my happiness and all future possibilities of happiness. I need to continue to trust myself, even when the wave of insecurity hits me right in the face. Every little kick and poke she does gives me the strength I need to come out on top and let the bad people, things, and feelings fall where they may.
I made the right choices. He didn’t.
Breathe in. Breathe out.