I know this whole experience has changed me a lot. I am a very different person than I was 9 months ago. I’ve had a lot of obstacles to overcome and I have made it through each and every one of them. I trust in myself and in my strength a lot….. but sometimes… like right now, a wave of insecurity sweeps over me. I get scared and I tighten up and I even find myself holding my breath just so that I wont cry. Why? Is it because of these obstacles and hard times I’ve gone through? Or is it just the change in weather and the clouds covering up the whole sky today? Not one person will understand the amount of pain I was put through because I could not choose to do an abortion for someone else. Or will they? I’m sure other woman have experienced it too, but none that I know. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced, and like I said, I’ve overcome it… but not without side effects. I’ve moved on, and as happy or as lucky as I feel now.. the fear will still find me from time to time. Breathe in. Breathe out. I’m scared to experience that pain again. I’m scared to be treated that way again. I’m scared to not catch it before it starts and not be able to stop it if it does. Not all things are bad. Not all people will cause pain. I absolutely need to find a way to not let the fear get in the way of my life and my happiness and all future possibilities of happiness. I need to continue to trust myself, even when the wave of insecurity hits me right in the face. Every little kick and poke she does gives me the strength I need to come out on top and let the bad people, things, and feelings fall where they may.
I made the right choices. He didn’t.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
3 Comments
I am so glad I have found you (or I guess your blog). My daughter is 17 months now, but all of my feelings are still very fresh and no one seems to understand. He wanted an abortion, I didn't. We both made our choices. Now he wants to show up and participate when it is convenient for him, but he doesn't want to do any of the real work like supporting her financially and being there during the hard times. I actually hate him and with he would go away. I know the argument that is is better that she knows her father, but is it, when all he does is disappoint and hurt? I am so happy to found someone who knows and has expressed what I am feeling.
Wow! I'm writing again, relating again. Such emotion has been brought back to me from almost six years ago. Go you!
you can't change people. you can only be yourself and take each day for what it is….no reason to look back, you're only going to miss whats in front of you. Trust me. been there done that….and was faced with a same decision.
5 years later I have the most precious little boy that has forever changed my life for the better.
it's not going to be easy raising a little one, but its for sure never going to be boring. 🙂