I received a pretty nasty text message from Marlowe’s father while I was at my appointment today. It gave me a a nauseated feeling in the pit of my stomach. Between being away from Marlowe (while being at the appointment), having my vision weird with dilation, and that awful awful message I received, today has been a pretty off day. I try not to write about too many of the negative aspects concerning Marlowe’s father, but I can say it is very very difficult dealing with someone like him. This blog is not only a keepsake for my daughter, but also words and thoughts for other women in similar situations. Everything isn’t always perfect and I’m not going to pretend it is. I have a life I love and a true life story that is coming together better than I could have imagined, but there will always be real life events and consequences that will happen because I decided to go through a pregnancy alone while her father pleaded with me to have an abortion. When we dated I could see so many of the lies he constantly told, especially with his own family (more specifically with his mother) and I would try to convince myself he would never lie to me. But just like every thing in life sometimes you just have to open your eyes and see someone for who they really are. Either I have become smarter or he has become much more careless with his lying, because his lies have been revealing themselves all over the place. There is a good chance I am just much more aware now. Going through a pregnancy mostly alone has taught me a lot and made me much much stronger. Her father used to bring out the worst in me, but pregnancy and motherhood has really brought out some the best in me. I no longer cry with his mean messages or breakdown in disappointment. Instead I let all the wonderful things going on around me eat up the nauseated feeling his words leave behind.
As weird as todays feelings are, I almost like the peacefulness that has come with not being able to do much.
PS! While babysitting, my step mother spotted where Marlowes first tooth will be coming in! There’s a little guy on the bottom left who will make making an appearance sooner rather than later. Go get ’em tooth!