My eyes are dilated. It’s weird, boring, and slightly more annoying than I remember. Sure it looks awesome, but thats about the only fun thing about it. I can’t go outside and I can’t see things close to my face. Making a snack for a snack was a ridiculous task. (WAH). It was weird. The only entertaining thing I can do with my dilated eyes is play with Marlowe, but for the first time in 2 weeks she has been in nap mode. We did play a bit and we took pictures before she fell asleep again. And luckily, I can blindly type… thank goodness I know where the keys are!
I received a pretty nasty text message from Marlowe’s father while I was at my appointment today. It gave me a a nauseated feeling in the pit of my stomach. Between being away from Marlowe (while being at the appointment), having my vision weird with dilation, and that awful awful message I received, today has been a pretty off day. I try not to write about too many of the negative aspects concerning Marlowe’s father, but I can say it is very very difficult dealing with someone like him. This blog is not only a keepsake for my daughter, but also words and thoughts for other women in similar situations. Everything isn’t always perfect and I’m not going to pretend it is. I have a life I love and a true life story that is coming together better than I could have imagined, but there will always be real life events and consequences that will happen because I decided to go through a pregnancy alone while her father pleaded with me to have an abortion. When we dated I could see so many of the lies he constantly told, especially with his own family (more specifically with his mother) and I would try to convince myself he would never lie to me. But just like every thing in life sometimes you just have to open your eyes and see someone for who they really are. Either I have become smarter or he has become much more careless with his lying, because his lies have been revealing themselves all over the place. There is a good chance I am just much more aware now. Going through a pregnancy mostly alone has taught me a lot and made me much much stronger. Her father used to bring out the worst in me, but pregnancy and motherhood has really brought out some the best in me. I no longer cry with his mean messages or breakdown in disappointment. Instead I let all the wonderful things going on around me eat up the nauseated feeling his words leave behind.

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There she is!
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Dilated eyes &eyebrows in need of attention.

As weird as todays feelings are, I almost like the peacefulness that has come with not being able to do much.

PS! While babysitting, my step mother spotted where Marlowes first tooth will be coming in! There’s a little guy on the bottom left who will make making an appearance sooner rather than later. Go get ’em tooth!

5 Comments

  1. Dialated eyes are the worst!

    Just wanted to say that I totally admire your ability to keep your feelings about Marlowes father out of your blog. I know how hard that can be, but your awesome at it. I totally sympathize about those heart wrenching text messages. Its hard, but I think you are doing an amazing job as a mama to your little girl despite the many obstacle of being a single mama.

    Good luck with your surgery! I am so excited for you/jealous because I want lasik sooo bad!

  2. Drea, I'm really glad he doesn't get the best of you anymore. You have much better things going on for you these days.

  3. Wow dilated eyes are so weird! Glad to hear your appointment went well. And guys like your ex will never change. I am also going through the same thing with the sperm donor of my child lol. Looks like you are doing a great job at staying strong 🙂 Love reading your blog

  4. cute pictures! i'm glad you write so honestly as i'm sure moms in your situation are as well. it's so easy to write only about the good. honestly though i gets a little boring only reading positive mommy posts.

  5. Hey, I have been following your blog since Marlowe was born. I just wanted to say I really enjoy reading it! I look forward to new posts! Marlowe is a really beautiful baby!