Sometimes I wonder if I’ve lost all sentimentality. I know at one point I was a sentimental person. Dates, songs, promises, and scribbled notes on paper all meant something to me. What happened to the romantic in me? The one who wrote poems and made love notes? I lost a lot of myself the day I realized the person I loved most could leave me at the most difficult moment in my life. It was almost a year ago today I found myself alone, lost, and incredibly scared. Love became a lie that people told to try to get their way. Fear of the future became my norm. Sentimentality flew out the window. What happened to the person who believed love could conquer all? I am here now… slowly rebuilding myself. It has been almost a year since I was forced to choose between the man I was with or my body and my baby. I was left alone because I would not compromise what I felt inside.
Here I am now: I am no longer scared and I no am no longer lost. I am happy. I am a strong woman, I am powerful, and I am in love again— I am in love with the life I have created and the future I will live. Most importantly, I am in love with my darling child, Marlowe. I found a new hope through my pregnancy. I now believe pregnancy to be one of the most beautiful experiences one can live and one can share. Through pregnancy, birth, and motherhood: I’ve realized how truly powerful we women are. Through Marlowe I found a new light and a new hope to one day gain my sentiment back. I may not cherish every hair that falls from her head or the first outfit she wore home from the hospital, but I cherish her for everything she is and stands for. I cherish every new step she takes in her life and brings to my life. I may not cry looking through old photos, missing the tiny newborn she once was and I may not clap at every new milestone she has, but I do feel joy. I smile inside and out with every forward motion she takes to become more of the incredible woman we were all born to be. To love something, is to let it grow. My life has grown and changed in unimaginable ways over one years time. We are both growing, taking new steps forward, overcoming new obstacles, and letting the love flow in and through the happy lives we have created. Grow Marlowe, grow.