I’ve had a killer stomach ache all morning and instead of dining out with my lady friends I went ahead and made a huge pot of bread garlic soup. Today, it has brought me comfort. I’ve never been on of those people who is a comfort-eater. During breakups, heartache, or stress I usually find myself incredibly nauseous and anxious and I tend to stray away from food. When I was pregnant I couldn’t do that. I was falling apart inside, but I had to do everything I could to make sure the best meals possible were going into my body, this brought me comfort. Now, sure, I am a little disheartened and definitely a bit stressed, but I’m alright. I have to be &I am. It helps to know I am providing the best food I can for my body and my child, I find comfort in making incredibly hearty, healthy, and loving meals. Yes, it’s not as easy as it once was. I now make soup in intervals. Chop garlic. Hold Marlowe. Roast tomatoes. Hold Marlowe. Saute onion. Hold Marlowe.. and so forth. As stressful as it can be to be the only one here to hold my child while trying to accomplish seemingly simple tasks, it’s all worth it. I find a comfort inside when everything is finished, Marlowe is content, and I can sit on my couch with a large bowl of soup (or three).
These past few days, the thought of Marlowe having formula at the end of the month has here-and-there made me angry and sad. I physically can’t pump enough for the time her father will be taking her. I’m doing everything I can, but I physically cannot do it. But sometimes when I think of this fact, I feel okay and I smile. You know why? I’m actually pretty proud of myself. There were points in breast-feeding where I didn’t think I would make it past one month. I had to take it day by day. Here I am, 7 months later, (&when he takes her, 8 months later) and I did it. I really really did it. I made it: 8 months of exclusively breast-feeding, with the exception of one meal at night (one portion of rice cereal with one portion of a vegetable). I did it. &I find so much comfort in this.
Mostly, I find comfort in the fact that I have done everything in my power to be here everyday for Marlowe. As hard as some days have been, and as impossible as some nights have seemed, I did it. I’m doing it. I find an overwhelming amount of comfort in the fact that I am here everyday with my child giving her the love, comfort, and attention she needs to be a secure, independent, happy child, and one day: a secure, independent, and happy woman.
Here’s to you: mothers, fathers, parents who are there everyday doing what you can, working to create secure, loving, independent, happy adults. You guys are making the world a better place.
12 Comments
when you least expect it, the peace tranquility and love you expect and deserve will get to you. i promise!
youre such a good example of a real strong woman.
so amazing that you made it this far drea. i remember the first time i gave henry a bottle of formula, it nearly broke my heart. he slowly weaned himself after and surprisingly? it was a good thing! i never would have seen that coming. he became a tiny bit more independent but found new ways to let me know that he still needed me, even if i wasn't his only food source anymore. our bond grew immensely during these transition months and now looking back on them i am feeling love and peace rather than regret and "what-if".
I'm jealous of your comfort food. My 4 year relationship ended last week and though I LOVE LOVE LOVE food, I simply can't think of eating it right now. Good news is I'll be super skinny for the summer. I can't imagine going through this with a child but now I do know the heart breaking sense of loss when a relationship ends…especially when it ends not because there isn't enough love, but because timing and life get in the way 🙁
It sucks. But you're lucky you can eat and have a beautiful child to hold. People keep telling me about doors closing and windows opening but I prefer to keep all the drafts out and focus on the tasks at hand: being the best person I can be, despite current hardships. You're definitely being the best mom you can be and the rest will resolve itself…so they tell me 🙂 this is my first time around heartbreak hill.
Just felt I had to comment and say hi. I got rid of facebook so blog forums are my only avenue of online social communication.
Keep your chin up and I will too. Sigh.
Congratulations on making it that long on exclusive breast feeding. I remember back when you posted about it, and said how much it hurt at times. I am sure it was not easy. So, kudos! And, have a happy mother's day! I believe this is your first one. You don't need any of us to tell you this, but I will, you're doing a fabulous job girlfriend!
This post is rad and so are you. I often wonder how single parents do it, you are amazing and I appreciate your blog for the insights into parenting, motherhood and single mama hood. What a wonderful story you have to share. Keep up your strength, sharing and incredible honesty, it's all fabulous!
I'm really praying for you everyday Drea. I admire you for your patience and all the strength you have. As women we have all been there and I hope you can find inner peace day by day. Always remember…This too shall pass 🙂
hugs <3
Yes, you did it! What a positive way to look at it. I feel the same way about turning negatives into positives. Since my daughter's father left us, just as she was turning three…I have been working full-time and single-parenting full-time. He does not help at all, physically or financially…and you know what?! Sometimes, I look at myself and allow myself to have that pat on the back. I have raised a soon to be seven year old completely on my own. She is in the honors class at her school and is a happy, healthy, beautiful, friendly child who loves the world around her! We are doin' alright, aren't we?! Blessings and love…Cyndy
ok, this recipe is right up my alley. I neeeeeeeed, make that NEEEEEEED, it!!
home brings me comfort. Lily and Will both bring me comfort. A big bowl of pasta with tomato sauce and parmesan cheese brings me comfort.
Can Marlowe start drinking either almond or rice milk instead of formula? I wish thinking about that the other day.
Have you ever considered donor milk?
That being said, really at the end of the day the most important thing is that Marlowe is healthy and happy, and formula is made for instances like this where you physically can not provide enough breastmilk.
You have done amazing and you really should feel proud! <3
as someone who is just 3 1/2 months into this nursing baby stuff, let me say, the fact that you've fed marlowe this far is AMAZING!! truly amazing. so admirable–hats off.