My kid doesn’t sleep. Well, she does, but not enough, or really: not as long as I’d like her to. Here we are 9 and a half months into her life and she still makes it a point to wake up three to four times a night. Isn’t this the part where she starts sleeping better? She’s eating more throughout the day, “running” around more, and not as dependent on my breasts…. so then, why? Why wont she sleep? I know I’m not alone in this, I’m sure many of you mamas out there have kids who hate sleeping, but four times seems a bit excessive at this age.
I wrote a post, four months ago or so, about my sleep issues: complicated relationships. I wonder, is Marlowe in a complicated relationship with sleep too? Is it nightmares waking her each night? Does she want to sleep, but just cant help waking up in confusion or fear? Or does she just not want to be asleep? Will she ever sleep? Or will she be faced with a complicated sleep relationship for her whole life? I worry that I’ve passed down the nightmare gene. Of course, there are worse things to pass down… but when you’ve been plagued your whole life with violent or sad nightmares and midnight tears—- the nightmare gene seems pretty bad.
Who really knows. For me, I am certain: I will always hate sleep, but want it. I will always be plagued with nightmares, especially with meals or sugar closer to bedtime. I will, for the rest of my life, wake up in confusion to what is really and what is not. I don’t question it anymore. It is what it is. But for Marlowe: I’m not sure. You can see I have a lot of questions. It’s not just night time either. Naps have been minimal to none. Now, if she naps longer than twenty minutes, she will wake up crying at some point in between until she can be coaxed back down. If it’s not nightmares and just a baby thing, then how do I fix it? What can I do? Is there anything? If you know, please tell me. A mama needs a break.