(an arrow trail leading to an i love you)
-> -> -> -> ->
There are so many days where I feel like I am just pacing in circles. Following tiny footprints and my own footprints around and around and around. Tracing every step. Picking up this. Working on that. Moving this. Cleaning this. Adjusting this. Straighteing that. It never ever stops. A circular obstacle course with no end.
When having small conversation with Eric the other day, he mentioned he’s been enjoying life by eating good food, drinking good beer, and going out with friends a lot. My response to this statement (in my head) was “yeah, life is easy without a baby and a family to take care of”. I doubt his statement was meant as a passive aggressive jab at the fact that I am unable to partake in these things (Eric is not one to typically do that), but my mind still went there. Plain and simple: life is easier without a baby. There are those moments that I wish for that life again… with more time, more freedom, and less responsibility, because now… in hindsight: those days were sometimes, taken for granted.
I wouldn’t trade my life or my child for anything in the world, I don’t care how hard I have to work, how tiring it is, how little I sleep or accomplish, how much I crave a moment of peace: I wouldn’t trade it. I imagine raising children is easier and more enjoyable with a live in partner to share the load and the responsibility. While Alex does stay here, he doesn’t live here, he lives at work… I know (or am hoping) those days where we will share the work will come sooner rather than later. For now and until then, I’m doing what I can to enjoy every single over tiring day I have. I enjoy being a mother and I’ll do my best to enjoy never ending circles, because I never want to look back and think: “that really wasn’t that hard, I should have enjoyed it more.”
I hope you are all enjoying every second of this weekend! See you Monday!