Things are still upside down around here… but I’m doing what I can to keep this home as stable as possible for little M. I wish I could say more about what’s going on… but really, even I’m in the dark about everything. I haven’t seen or even really spoken to Alex in days… but it’s pretty clear that both Marlowe and I have been thrown off beat. I just keep reciting mantras to myself throughout the day, trying to keep my head and heart clear… because falling apart is not an option when I’ve got this little girl to raise. It’s also been a HUGE help to have my mom in town… she’s been very much needed for the moments I’m struggling to do it by myself. Who knows what’s in store for M and I, but for now, I am trying to take it one day at a time. 
My mom insisted we drive out west to the polo ground for opening day. It was nice to spend today in fresh air and sunshine. Marlowe had a blast, I cleared my head a bit, my mom relived moments of 20 some years ago with a tiny me on the field, and Michelle was a grumpy (but pretty) mess of a hangover.  I spent 100% of the time chasing down a baby that refused to be held. Marlowe met (and chased) a million and a half dogs (okay, maybe 15) and ran around waving at everyone. Marlowe was photographed a million times (ok, again, not a million) and will even have her picture printed in the newspaper! She’s such a hit, really, she’s the best thing ever, even when refusing to be held 😉
Tonight has been hard. Marlowe’s sleep has been thrown off once again. And I am just exhausted, physically, but mostly emotionally. I’m practicing my patience in all directions. 
Breathe in. Breathe out. Fresh air is good for the soul. 
almost a photo of M and I. She was a screamer and scratcher every time she was picked up. Like a nasty little adorable kitten. 
skydiver // polo // air
babes, my mama and my baby.
polo // my mom went paparazzi on me.
paparazzi style mama life. 
And…. she’s up again. Goodnight folks. It’s gonna be a longgg night. 


  1. PS: Just a thought, but have you ever considered moving to Massachusettes to be closer to your mom. That may be a good idea. You could go back to school or decide what you want to do with your future…and you'd have your mom right there for support and stability for you and your daughter. Just thoughts…Hope it helps. :0

  2. I went through it all when my daughter was just turning two…after a long back and forth with her father for years. Ya know what, it was a lot better when I finally made the cut. I didn't want to live with instability and that was the last thing I wanted to expose my daughter to. Sometimes, we have to look at the bigger picture and put our children first. All the coming and going out of a child's life is not good for them. Just my humble opinion. Take what you want, keep the rest. A woman CAN do it alone. It can be done and it really is not so bad. I have my independence, don't need to put up with anyone's nonsense. I'm proud of me and so is my daughter…now 7 and has a role model of a strong woman in me! 🙂 You can do it if you have to.

  3. thinking of you and sending positive energy your way. if i lived in florida i'd be over with beers (and my kids) for some good conversation.


  4. i hate that your heart is breaking. you're a good mama & will find what you & marlowe deserve one of these days.

    sending you love & hugs & positive vibes. (but don't forget that it's okay to mourn a little bit, too.)

  5. oh dear…well, you are totally right, there is no breaking down when you have a little one. Keep shining for your daughter!! You are so lucky to have your mom and supportive friends. Much love, strength, and grace.

  6. I'm so sorry Alex is doing this to you and Marlowe. I admire your willingness to be strong for her. I hope everything works out.

    P.S. I just love the shoes you are wearing! And…fresh air/sunshine is amazing for the soul, I agree.

  7. Stay strong! Marlowe is a beautiful girl, she looks just like you. She's blessed to have you as a mama.

  8. I come from a long line of people unable to keep there shhh-stuff together. You're the one who will come out on the better end of this because you're a smart cookie. Don't compromise your heart for anyone.

  9. Sad to hear that you're bearing the brunt of someone else's issues… Sending happy, relaxing vibes your way. No matter what happens, you will always have your little ray of sunshine, Marlowe. I hope you find love that deserves both of you.

  10. Whatever is going on you have a lot of support from your family, friends and readers! Hugs babe.

  11. I'm glad your mom is with you and is so helpful. The polo field (mostly the sky!) looked amazing. Best wishes, B

  12. You are such a strong woman, Drea. Marlowe is so lucky to have you as her Mama.

  13. thinking of you 🙁 seems he has a lot of his own issues and it really sucks that you are left sitting there waiting, letting your your head run rampant trying to figure it out. It's got to be the most frustrating thing ever. I hope you find at least some peace in knowing that you have done the best that YOU can for your family, relationship, and Marlowe. <3

  14. You are a great Mama. Make whatever decision is best for you and M; follow your heart. 🙂 Hang in there. So glad you have your Mom there with you and you have wonderful, supportive friends.

  15. You are so strong and such a good mom. I really admire you. I will be hoping that things get better for you as soon as possible!

  16. My heart hurts for you. I've been in the same boat, recently especially. You've got the right attitude though. Stay peaceful and healthy. It's all you can do sometimes.

  17. Thinking of you. Hope all get better soon…whatever that might be.
    You are amazing mama, and i don't know you but it shows in your blog. M is a beautiful girl and that is down to you and your love for her.
    I'd like to say keep us posted, but i feel amazed you can even think about sharing this when you must feel so shite…..maybe it helps you.
    with love, S

  18. I am so very sorry to hear you are being put through this. I went through so many of the same things you went through about 5 years ago. I am finally at a good place. But I remember how difficult these times can be.

    It seems like you have very good support in your friends and family. I'm glad you have your mom there with you right now. My own mother helped me get through so many times.

    You are a WONDERFUL mother. It is apparent to all of us that read your blog.

    I wish you well and want you to know that my thoughts are with you. I hope you are able to get things figured out and get back to a place where you are happy. You and Marlowe deserve the best!

  19. I hope whatever the outcome it leads you and the little miss to nothing but happiness. I am sorry for the rough time you two are going through. <3

  20. You are fabulous! Proud of you for being positive! Keep it up. So sorry for what you are being put through. Thank you for keeping us updated when you really don't have to. xx

  21. Drea….I swear our lives our EXACTLY the same….I know what you're going through…in this exact moment I'm most likely thinking/feeling the same things…I can't say it gets better because I'm searching for that as well…But I'm hear for you. And you're soooo right about falling apart not being an option…thank goodness for our sweet little babes…

  22. I'm thinking about you, too.
    You are Marlowe will be just fine! I know it.
    You are such a great mama.

  23. ugggggghhhhhhhhhhh – my son's Dad left me twice. Needless to say, we are no longer married. I am REmarried to the most wonderful man to my oldest son and to our two children together and have been for over 5 years. Don't compromise what you know deep in your soul to be true. Don't do it for Marlowe. If you don't do what's best for you, you will not be doing the best for Marlowe. Follow your deepest instincts. Much love, sweet one.

  24. I'm thinking of you and am in awe of how you are looking to be positive for M (and yourself). You deserve the best, no matter what.

    I love the pictures from the polo match — especially the paparazzi shots!

  25. I'm thinking about you Drea! You're doing a really great job with little miss Marlowe!

  26. I'm sorry for what you're going through. sending lots of love and sunshine your way.