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Time is slipping by incredibly fast these days. On the one hand: I’m loving everything. On the other: I’m sad to find that moments are flying by all too quickly. I can’t tell whether everything is pulling at me or if it’s me, pulling at everything. Am I the one who filled up too much time and left very little time to breathe? Or is it life and everything I need to do that is leaving me with little breathing room? I’m not complaining. I’m far from complaining. For the most part: I don’t need the breathing room, not yet, anyway. Part of me is loving every second of this fast pace, little time, full on life, I’m living. No, actually, all of me is loving it, but the worried part, the anxious part, the adult in me, is scared that I’m going to get ahead of myself and lose my footing. This is the first moment today, where I am sitting here, with one task in front of me. Not two tasks…. not three… not four… just one task in front of me (unless you count a machine of washing laundry, and air-drying my hair as a task… because I did actually plan my day to use this time to allow my hair to dry). I’m allowing myself to take a moment, and clear my mind. Every other part of my day and days are filled with an overwhelming amount of thoughts and tasks in front of me. Two tasks at one time is not enough to check off every priority on my to-do list. But wait, let me clarify… I really shouldn’t even call anything a “task“. Every event I am marking off my list is something enjoyable, or at the least, mostly enjoyable. But when simple enjoyable things like a shower or eating breakfast have to be planned down to the very minute so I am able to squeeze it in, I realize… well… I don’t know what I realize… I still haven’t gathered my thoughts that far… but it certainly gets me thinking about how much I am really doing, accomplishing, and enjoying in one day. Even as I sit here, with my one task, my brain won’t stop. It’s on overload. A rambling overload. Welcome to the inside of my brain, expressed through jumbled thoughts, typed on my keys, and posted openly for whoever to see.
I spend whole weekends with Marlowe. I take her on day trips, to parties, to markets, to museums, and at the end of the day I still wonder if I spent enough time with her. She’s growing right in front of me and I feel like I’m missing it. This is that feeling that adults, parents, and relatives would speak of. This is what they meant when they expressed that “time speeds up each year” and “kids grow too quickly”.
What else is slipping by me? Is anything slipping by me? Is this just what living is? Waking up to a day full of responsibilities and exciting plans with my daughter, friends, and/or family? “Work hard, play hard” doesn’t seem to apply to me. Nothing really feels like work. I feel like, whatever I’m doing, I’m doing it mostly right…. maybe not completely right, but mostly. I’ve found a good balance between two (albeit: part-time) jobs, raising my daughter by myself, and appreciating and loving every second of life around me.
On another note, the time has come where we’ve started overnights, again. We decided to give it a few tries and see how it goes for Marlowe. The painful, first (and last) time we attempted overnights, it was decided it was too soon and we stepped back. But this time, Marlowe seems to be adjusting alright… even: pretty well. I’m still sad each day that I have to wave goodbye to her… but she’s okay, and this makes me okay. It’s an adjustment for sure, but like my full tuesdays to myself, I’m taking this time could-be-sad time and trying to use it to my advantage. I see it as: each overnight gives me an extra three to four hours to accomplish more tasks that I wouldn’t have otherwise.

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My wake up time varies each day, but my days usually start between seven and eight am and end around one to three am. That’s a lot of time to live. My small goal for the month of May is to accomplish more… but in a more organized way. I don’t want to lose my footing. I don’t want to jumble and confuse more thoughts. I want to get everything I want and need to-do in proper order, take a moment to breath, adjust myself, and accomplish more.

**the bow was one of a few little goodies in a get well soon care package, up a tree cup a tea sent Marlowe and I, after that bummer of a stomach bug. Thanks Johanna <3 You’re too sweet! 

17 Comments

  1. Oh my dear- you summed it up so well. I know all too well the feeling of life passing so quickly and in all its goodness being happy with the days as they pass but being so overwhelmed by the fact that a new day starts in a few hours. This past year has flown by- my kindergartner is going to be a first grader in a little over two weeks- really the time has disappeared.

    you my dear are a breath of fresh air <3

  2. I beleive the more full life is, the better. As long as you take time to recognize the things that are going on around you and as long as you're enjoying things. Only when you're not loving life should you step back and wonder is this too much. Keep living. Keep enjoying. Keep loving.

  3. watching a little one grow makes time go by faster than ever before. that's how i feel with Lily. slow down time, slow down…

  4. This post is so fast, but makes perfect sense! Your on a path that's working for you, so good for you!! Everything needs a little tweak here and there, but as long as you know that life is flying by, it means you appreciate it that much more!

    http://hopefullittleone.blogspot.com/?m=1

  5. I think the saying "time flies when you're having fun" is so true. If things seem to be moving by quickly it's probably because the moments in your life are so enjoyable. When I think about times when my life was crawling along it was when I wasn't happy. I guess all of this is rather cliche, but perhaps true. At least you'll always have your beautiful pictures and blog to look back on fondly.

    • Very true…. that quote didn't even come to mind! But that totally makes sense. I hate the miserably long dragging days! this is much better 🙂

      One of the main reasons I blog: to document and keep track! My memory is the worst thing ever these days!

  6. Oh, Mama do I know how you feel. As a single Mama, my days are always so full & I have so much I need to accomplish in the small 24 hours life gives me. 🙂

  7. Hi Drea! Just found your blog and love it. I am due to have our first child, a boy, in about 2.5 weeks so have some extra reading time on my hands right now just soaking my last moments alone in. My husband and I are vegan and planning to follow a similar plan to yours with our bean. Looking forward to trying some recipes and seeing more of the yummy meals that Marlowe eats! And I definitely have felt this way, and am pretty sure sooner rather than later will be feeling it again. But it's so great that you are enjoying it!

    • congratulations! Take this time to read many blogs and do a lot of nothing! You're going to be a busy mama soon! 🙂

  8. GO LADY, GO.

    I like your rambling blog posts. And I think you've got your head on your shoulders just where it belongs.

    • Sometimes I wish I could think more slowly so I could ramble more 🙂