Five days. We’ve now been cooped up most of this week. I’ve spent much of the past few weeks, and especially days, focused on numbers, percentages, and dividing time into measurements. Each day that passes, I’m realizing, that time is speeding up, moving forwarding, and has no intention of slowing down. This blog is almost two and a half years old. Where did the time go? Almost each day, I sit and write. And each week and each month, I reflect. It only seems to make life slip by faster, but with notional post-it notes titled “do not forget”. Words, pictures, memories, and thoughts I want to hold on to… that I would otherwise, most likely and unfortunately, forget. I don’t want to miss a moment. I want everything I experience, to last. I want to remember that morning, that M wakes up from a week long sickness, with a bit more pep in her voice, ready to “make cake”, sing songs, and “play chop choo’s”. I’ve had many posts in head, this month. Many titled “There Are 52 Mondays A Year”. Fifty Two. That’s it. As Alex’s schedule changed once again, for the toomany’th time this year, my schedule has changed along with it too. 52 days he will have off this year. And when you factor in bad days, and sick days, and other random whathaveyou’s there really isn’t much time at all. The time Marlowe spends with her father… it’s practically gone again. The free time, the one to two nights a week that I once had to myself, with my friends… you know my moment-break from single parenting, it’s gone. Between work, sleep time, and all of life’s other responsibilities, the moments in between… are, well, small numbers that we are all clinging too. This time around, it’s disheartening, for a few different reasons, and some of the same previous reasons too, but I accept it. I’m not angry, not really angry anyway. It’s no ones fault, just a situation I can’t change. But I am… well, pivoting and clinging to numbers. Less me-time for sure, but more alone time, that I will never get back with my growing daughter. This week, trapped in the house, has been alright. Sure, my brain cells have been half lit, we’ve been sore, congested, and we’ve both been going a little stir crazy, but all this clinging to time thing, that I’ve been doing, it has made me only want to make the very best of these moments we’ve had and will have. This week, sick or not, we’ll never get back… so I made sure to try to make this the best sick week possible. We’re slowly on the mend, her and I, it’s a very good thing.
I made apple pie yesterday, from scratch, for the very first time. (because marlowe love’s it). It came out incredible. While we waited for the pie to bake, I made vanilla bean ice-cream. From now on, if and when I can, I’m making pie on sick days. There is something so comforting about a warm home-baked pie, topped with a cool, soothing ice-cream. Apple pie sick days forever.
M’s shirt c/o truly sanctuary
EDIT.
ps. this seems to be the best place to post this… if you want to give a little bit of extra love and hope this christmas, check out this fundraiser, set up to raise money for mother of three, Delane. Medical costs are high as she’s fighting cervical cancer… and every little bit helps. Donate if you can <3 *Hugs* to you, Delane.
ps. this seems to be the best place to post this… if you want to give a little bit of extra love and hope this christmas, check out this fundraiser, set up to raise money for mother of three, Delane. Medical costs are high as she’s fighting cervical cancer… and every little bit helps. Donate if you can <3 *Hugs* to you, Delane.
6 Comments
I am sending a great big, comforting hug your way. I was raised by a single mother, and I believe it can be the toughest, most exasperating, rewarding, exhausting job in the world. She took care of me and my brother and there were no days or weekends with dad. It was just her. She immigrated here to the US from Vietnam, didn't know any English, and only went through the second grade in her home country. She started working when she was eight years old. She was tough as nails and day in and day out she took care of us because she had to. And somehow mothers like that dig deep, and deeper and deeper again when they think there's nothing left and get the job done. Mothers like you do that because there's love behind it all. Please know you are amazing and that Marlowe will understand and appreciate it all one day.
this is so sweet. your words about time are so true. i am obsessed with marlowe's shirt– she is so beautiful! and what an amazingly cool mommy she has for making apple pie from scratch on a sick day! no doubt she will remember that forever.
Wow that looks so good. Aw. Feel better!
That is the most adorable pie I've ever seen! Wishing you lots of r&r!
Your blog is one of my most beloved. I really like the way you describe your time spend with your daughter, Marlow. These simple words and photos are full of emotions and life, and also love. Thank you, you are inspiring me. Although I am still young and don't think about children I know that my kids will be on a vegan diet (I am a vegetarian but trying to be vegan). Keep doing what you are doing because I know you are a great mother and great person.
From Poland with love.
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Aww these little feet…and the view of your pie made me eat 3 cookies, damn it!