I’ve been feeling a little bit trapped in a few areas in my life. All my dreams and plans I keep talking about, well, I can’t help but second guess them once eight pm hits and I’m struggling to get enough accomplished before Marlowe goes to bed… only to get more accomplished after she does. I want to believe the world is your oyster… and anything is possible, because well, it kind of is… but it’s hard not to question “when will dreams and goals really be possible?” when you’re responsible in raising a kid (by yourself). I’ve found myself a bit surprised to not feel trapped in this home. When I signed the paperwork a few months back, there was this creeping thought in the back of my mind “oh shit, I will never be able to move again.” For someone who’s spent their whole entire life running (even up to three months before moving here), this… well this can be a VERY scary thought. But here I am, and while I do think, from time to time, how amazing it would be to be able to live somewhere other than america (spain, brazil, italy, greece—even in your economic hard times: I dream of your landscapes.), I’m REALLY happy in this home… and I have no plans to even think about leaving any time soon.
I said it before, but with alex’s new schedule… my downtime, my me time, my let me accomplish my dreams time, it’s nonexistent… so I’m still working on doing the next best thing: if I can’t leave the house to spend a few moments with friends, then I want to continue, as much as possible, to bring them here. If there’s food, they will come, right? 🙂
ps. thanks for all your support with my big one day plans… and in general. the emails, comments, tweets, DMs, and whatever else, really brighten my days (and nights) <3