I haven’t lived with anyone over the age of two in quite a while. Well, I guess I have, but I haven’t really shared a space with anyone. Not since, I found out I was pregnant and made the move from my tiny studio space in Miami, to occupying a guest room in my brothers home. Even living in someone else’s home, in Hawaii, I had a tiny space to call my own. And even when Alex moved into our tiny place, right before Marlowe’s first birthday, he never really lived there. He brought a handful of boxes, filled with a fair amount of kitchen things, and a selection of clothes, but that was it. I’m not sure what he thought of it, but I know I didn’t think much, because with him out of the house, 14 hours a day, my home was still primarily my space, Marlowe’s space, and a little bit of Jerry the dog’s too. At a glance, my home stayed the same: white, bright, open, textured, and floral. He left, and again, at a glance: nothing changed. Now here I am, in my new home— a home (more than) large enough for my daughter, her fish, and my dog. I’ve been here for a little over three months now and I’ve made big changes in every corner, but I still have innumerable plans for much of it. But like any new and bigger space, the changes will take time. These shelves were bare and brown when I moved in. I had no doubt, that I needed them to be white. And if you asked what my plans were (which everyone did), I knew I wanted them to be mostly barren. I wanted the most prominent and open storage space of my home to be empty. But now here we are, and in a matter of a hours, my shelves went from intentionally undeveloped to mostly occupied. We have a shared space now. This home has gained another occupant— another person, over the age of two, that will be living with us. I’m nervous, like a child who’s learning how to share. My space will no longer by my space, it will now, and indefinitely, be our space. While, running a home, raising a daughter, and providing an income, everyday, alone, has had it’s challenges, it’s also proved to have some perks: complete schedule, purchase, and design control. (I love you, floral couches.) I’ve made every decision about and for my home and my daughter, for a very long time. But now, it’s not just me who’s involved, it has to be okay with someone else too. (Please never leave me, floral couches.) While I may have never wanted packed shelves, the idea is settling in quickly, the view is growing on me, and it’s only a tiny space sacrifice to make for something that we are both so completely certain about. So yes, my space is no longer mine. And my shelves are filling up, with not only my things, but his too… but so are our hearts, and our plans for the future. (And I love it all)
This has been a year of many resolutions and changes. I’m learning. I’m growing. And I’m finally allowing myself to accept that life can be easier, if I let it.
*on a design note: we’re (so hard not to write “I’m”) looking for a piece, art,— that perfect something, for the big would-be-tv-space. If you have any, I’d love to hear thoughts, ideas, whatever. Also, along the top, small shelf… my first thought is succulents, my second is long art, my third is “I need to stop going with the obvious and really think”. Help me think? 😉