“Imagine having to carry everything you own”
I want clarity. I want focus. I want to know what I’m doing and not question, “what (mess) do I start with today?” For me, a cluttered home gives me a cloudy mind. I freeze and I’m stuck. A cycle of anxiety
. I lose focus, the clutter builds up, the anxiety climbs, I freeze, and the clutter continues to build, making anxiety worse. I sat on my couch the day after christmas and I cried. I wondered when did I lose so much control of my surroundings (my belongings)… it felt like I was (&this sounds more dramatic than it is) losing control of my life. I like things. I like beautiful things. And well built things. I like the aesthetic feel that a home with collected items can bring. And I can’t deny having certain attachments to tangible things, but a world of material sits very uncomfortable on top of my chest. I want it out. More of it out. This isn’t the first time, or the last time that I’ll write about minimizing my life, but I’m at the breaking point where I need it out. Things don’t bring me fulfillment. And more things I don’t need, will actually bring me upset.
I can’t focus within the clutter. I want my goals to be set and I want enough clarity in my life to accomplish those goals. No more excuses. No more clutter (cloudy mind, un-focus) in my way. I want to continue on the path I was on, but I want my path to not be so heavy. All the things I own are too much. I want to find a balance between having the least amount in my home for myself to feel restful and lucid, while having enough in my home for others to feel comfortable and fulfilled.
I wrote about my one year plan
, and then my even more scary two year plan
(it’s hard for me to put those things out there), and I feel like I’m really ready to conquer those things…. and/or everything I’ve once set out for. I feel like I can finally stop using my procrastination against myself… my pick up, let go,
wander off, drop off “artist mentality” and just start and finish my goals… I just need to get the crap out first. Like I mentioned the other day
, I accomplished (almost!) all my goals from last year. I’ve had real, attainable goals, that I just keep building on, in the new year and always. There’s no promise of the gym this year for me, or flossing regularly, or doing anything that requires my focus every single day (other than what I already do). I have a few big goals—starting with a mini version of my two year plan
, then moving on from there, but mostly, I just want to keep doing what I’ve been doing. I have a healthy happy home, family, life and I only want to that to continue to thrive— even more than it already has. And I want it all with a lucid self and light path.
Imagine having to carry everything you own.
a meditation. over and over again.