I hate to type this, but it’s been one year and six months since hospitalization and I still feel ‘okay’ at best. I wish I could say I feel ‘great’ everyday, but thats not quite my reality yet. Keyword yet. I’m still hoping and working everyday to feel amazing. I hope to one day get there. For now, I’ll take ‘okay’ because it’s still better than ‘crummy’ or ‘terrible’ or whatever icky feelings I had before. There has been a few upsides to getting sick and fighting to get better though. Like, it’s for sure given me a new outlook on a lot of things. That’s always a plus. It’s good to open up our minds and change how we view the world. Even in less than ideal situations, we benefit from new outlooks, thats for sure. The other upside is that it’s helped me to refocus my focus. I’ve learned (and I’m still learning) to put me first. That’s not to say that everything and everyone else goes out the window– because that’s certainly not the case. But now I’ve learned to be okay and embrace tiny (or big) actions to care for myself. Like, ‘yes, I will rest for 15 minutes, just because my body says it needs it’.
I like to get semi regular massages now. Take longer showers. Take the extra few minutes to skin brush and self massage post-shower. I like to take care of myself. Well, I always have liked to— but I actually do it now, unlike before. I wish I had always taken the extra time for me time. I wish I had taken the extra steps to care for my body and what I eat and how I sleep and everything else– BEFORE. Of course it was hard when I was raising Marlowe by myself– but still. Even before Marlowe, I had difficulties really caring for myself like I should. So motherhood is really no excuse. I didn’t care for myself how I should, but thats okay. Everything in life is a lesson. And I guess for me, sickness came with the lesson that I am important. My health, my sleep, my diet, all of that really matters. No one else is going to worry about me, like I have to worry about me. And now I’ve learned to focus on it.
I think I mentioned it, but I had myself a little spa day at The Breakers not too long ago. Marlowe has been asking to do an overnight here for quite some time (it’s where Alex works), but we still haven’t done it yet. And sure, I felt a bit of guilt going without miss Marlowe, but I happily said yes when OSEA asked if I wanted to take a minute to have a spa day for myself and try out their products in spa–and not just at home. I love love their products at home— (vegan, natural, eco-friendly!)– but it was amazing experiencing the treatment in spa! I’ve sent my mom to the spa at The Breakers before– and I’ve had a gift certificate and treatments booked in the past but for health or lack of a sitter or whatever else, I always postponed. I’m working very hard (and often failing) on not postponing or canceling all the me-times and actually going through with them. And I’m glad I didn’t skip out on this either.
The spa is beautiful. I’m pretty much up to date on a lot of the happenings at The Breakers thanks to Alex, haha. Restaurant changes, busy seasons, and renovations. And I had heard a lot about all the renovations the spa underwent recently. Well, it was definitely beautiful. White, clean, relaxing on the inside and breezy and full of blues and greens and palm tree love outside. And I just love it SO much when spa’s offer good quality products. Too often I’ve seen places promote “natural spas” but they have chemical filled products and junk– but that’s 100% not the case for The Breakers. The whole OSEA line is so amazing and refreshing. And I didn’t have to think twice about how natural the treatment actually was 🙂 And I love a good body scrub. There’s something therapeutic in sloughing off the old stuff to make more room for new growth, isn’t there?!
The whole hotel is super vegan friendly. For everyone– not just because I sleep next to one of the chefs, haha 😉 There were a few vegan options and gluten free options too. All the restaurants at the hotel offers them. And if you don’t see what you’re looking for on the menu, you can ask! Then someone like Alex 😉 will whip up something magical. “Did you know the flowers you can eat that they put on top of the food is grown in the garden there?! Daddy told me that!” -Marlowe
I got a hummus plate, the most amazing tomato salad and a citrus detox juice. oh and coffee– because I’m still drinking that again. nom.
I regret not getting the Sea Vitamin Boost— look how pretty that bright pink bottle is!
You know, I actually debated staying post-treatment, should I go home now? Or should I lay outside in the sunshine? I debate everything. A mental pro-con list kind of person everyday. The answer is simple, I should obviously take the time to myself. But I think it will always be in my nature to debate. I think we all sot of feel that way. Or most of us anyway. I guess I’m okay with debating, as long as most of the time I say “yes to me” first.
My goal everyday is to raise Marlowe the best I can. To keep my home and family happy. And to feel as best as I can– emotional and physically. I want to feel good. Not okay, but great. To be honest, I think I’m doing a great job working on it and reminding myself it may not be a quick process. But as long as I’m trying and working on myself too, things are good.
Things are good.
ps. for whatever reason blogger isn’t letting me comment on my own posts. I’m sure it’s super temporary (though annoying.) my jumper from my last france post is THIS one, my drop crotch pants are sold out <3