I’ve been lying in bed for the past hour or so, staring at nothing, letting the time pass by as I try to process my thoughts. I have too many thoughts. You know those Myer Briggs tests? I’ve mentioned them before, but mine (INTP) is spot on– and has been for years, even as I grow and change. I guess I overlooked or just forgot bout the ‘half thought’ part. It does describe me as completely honest, which I can mostly say I am. And at the very least, I’m very direct and almost exclusively honest, with a few protective fibs here and there. But it mentions that you have to ‘take things said’ by my trait ‘with a grain of salt’. Not because I’m a liar— but because I have too many *half thoughts*. So they’re real, honest thoughts and feelings, but maybe not fully established yet. I should work on that. I guess right now I’m trying to process life before I talk too much about it, skipping the ‘grain of salt half thoughts’.I’ve been feeling this world of limbo for a few months now. And after this week, well, a lot of things are sort of still in limbo, but it seems like, for the most part, a path is being laid. That I can finally step out of this weird in-between place in my mind. Patience hasn’t really been my strongest feature in life, but I’ve been working on finding peace in the limbo, knowing that eventually, it would be figured out, without me stressing about it. And it seems that thats finally happening.
I watched this TEDtalk a few months ago about making decisions. And the woman was saying there are two types of people. The people who created they’re life path because they chose everything (or almost everything) that led them to that point. And the people whose life paths were created because they accidentally stepped or fell into each direction– no choices made. That’s me. The one who’s life was made by falling (or swimming, if we want to sound more graceful about it) into each stage. I’m not the most decisive person, I rarely know what I want. I’m only good for stating what I don’t want. Well, usually. Sometimes I don’t even state what I don’t want, I just rather avoid confrontation and live with discomfort. Career, parenthood, any jobs I’ve ever had, big things and moments in my life, I mostly fell (or swam) into. I didn’t wake up one day and decide, “I’m ready for kids, I should become a mother” or “I’m going to become a blogger” it all just sort of happened. I mean, even with Alex, I sort of just fell into that too. And I chose to stay through all the good shit and bad shit (discomfort) to be where I am now. And to be quite honest, I’m okay with being a person who just goes with the ebbs and flows of life, without making a lot of big decisions. I guess the hard part is when it is time to make decisions, life changing decisions– I mean, then what? Not that hard choices are really easy for anyone, but certainly not for someone who’s never really made them. I mean, I guess there were small decisions I’ve made everyday in every which direction, yes, but I did mostly fall into everything.
There’s been a few hurricanes this week.
I mean, the kitchen looks like a hurricane went through it right now, but I’m choosing to let myself be lethargic. I could push through and get up and do it (and I probably will in just a bit). For now, I’m okay randomly staring off and just feeling.
The actual hurricane, well, we certainly got a bit lucky with that one. It was headed directly towards us, but as the day went on it slowly changed its course and our city on got passed. We had some winds, some rain, but nothing worse than a bad summer storm here. I took a few photos from the day, but really, it was like a lazy rainy day sleepover party. And of course, I mean that in a good way.
Health wise, well, I haven’t had a voice in almost a week. I’ve been feeling mostly okay, but the joke of the week is that I’ve been spring break partying too hard. Of course I haven’t though. Well, I actually did go out last night, but otherwise it’s been quiet over here. But I don’t really feel that sick. I just feel like I’ve been detoxing. Which I have been. But I can’t 100% tell if all this random mucus I have is due to a detox process or a virus. It feels and I hope it’s the cleaning out system in my body. Apparently going completely raw was just too hard on my body. I’ve done two week raw detoxes (a cleanse guide available HERE), but I’ve never had very difficult detox symptoms. It makes sense that I would now though, after the c. diff and not eating ANY raw foods for an entire year and a half?! My body is like “whoa whoa whoa drea, take it easy” so this weekend I have been eating a bit more cooked food (fried tostones too mmmmm) and I plan to patiently (ugh) transition more slowly into raw veganism. Again, patience is not my strong suite. It’s just that I know I want to really try this diet— and having to transition into it, is not something I want to do. I wanted it to be immediate. But you know, thats life. I’ll write more of a post about it, maybe at the end of the week? Foods I’ve been eating, the symptoms I’ve been experiencing, etc. But for now, I’ll say, I really truly believe that this is gong to make a HUGE difference on my life, once it fully happens.
Emotionally I’m sort of all over the place. I mean, I’m still straight faced and not like outwardly a mess or anything, but my head is just sort of floating in space. Not overly sad, not overly happy. Life just feels extra strange right now. The air has felt different this week. It blew in with the hurricane. Or right before actually. An energy shift. Detoxing can make people a bit more irritable and moody– but I haven’t felt that at all. I’ve actually felt more calm than usual, given my current circumstances. Maybe because I haven’t had to cut-out sugars, wheat, or milk? I believe those are the main things that cause irritability when you remove them. I cut out wheat and dairy a long time ago, obviously. And it’s SO rare for me to have processed sugar– if anything I actually added a whole lot more natural sugar in my life. Anyway, I’m going off on a tangent— I guess the reality is I’m trying to figure out what my emotions actually are this week.
Anyway, I’m fading. I hope that even half of this makes sense. It’s hard to tell if I’m just typing out a jumbled mess or if I’m actually putting out ideas that people can understand and process the same way the ideas flow in my head. Okay, I should stop typing now. I hope everyone had a good weekend. I hope anyone who was in the hurricanes path made it out unharmed and happy. I’m going to sit my butt down tomorrow to get the recipes up for tomorrow night or the next night, at the latest. Thanks for being here, friends. And thanks for playing todays episode of the “what the hell is drea saying tonight?” game 😉
xoxo.
18 Comments
My kitchen usually looks like a hurricane went through it. I leave it like that till I feel better about getting up and cleaning it.
I'm so glad to hear you guys are all safe! I love your random thoughts, it always seems to open my mind a little more even though right now with my pregnancy brain I feel like I can't remember much! I love that photo, so dramatic.
http://www.melodramaticadventures.com
Oh, I can relate to many of the things you say… Regarding the half thoughts, regarding the decisions… Thank you for "rambling" it is great to realize there are other minds that "operate" like your own : ) Time ago, for instance, one person I love dearly understood that I believed childcare was the best option for babies, according to my talk on the topic. I guess we can be misunderstood sometimes, as we are really OK with every situation we have to live, really respectful with others choices… it is not a pose.
It is really hard to articulate but you did it. Thank you!
I love that you're an INTP! I'm an INTJ, and it can be great but hard to have a non typical personality type. Have you ever read about the cognitive functions? They're super helpful in understanding your type 🙂
yay, I'm an INTP too! The weirdest (and best) type, in my opinion 🙂 love following along with your idea flows and trying to understand them 🙂
aw! haha, yes, def. one of the most weird types, 100% Maybe this means you can understand my half thoughts more than others 🙂 Insensitive, honest dreamers unite!
hahaha yesss
It's easy to look back at life and see where the dangerous corners were isn't it, but not so simple at the time while you're actually living it. Lots of thinking going on here too. And a bit of drifting. Have a good week Drea. CJ xx
Have a good week too, CJ! <3
I am glad you are all ok 🙂
thanks Katerina!
Hah i love reading your random thoughts <3 Glad to hear you're safe and the hurricane past by. That shot above looked so scary at first. x
<3<3 thanks love.
So glad the hurricane missed you! Also I am surprised your Meyers-Briggs is so consistent… I'm surprised when anyone's is, because mine seems to change every 6 months or so. It seems like so much is going on between the hurricanes (actual and metaphorical), and all of the food changes. I hope this week brings you more clarity!
haha! Maybe you're just growing too much for it to keep up 🙂 Sometimes my P borders on a J— but it almost always leans more to P. Marlowe too. I have a book that was sent to me forever ao on figuring out your kids trait and the best way to raise them accordingly. We've all know she's A LOT like me– and the only time I get frustrated or disappointed by things she does– its things I can see in myself– so I can't get too mad. I figured out hers with Alex this week and she is 100% a mini me. I dont know how I got off on a Marlowe tangent, haha. But yes, thank you!
No wonder I love her so much, without even knowing her. #intpsforliiife
maybe it's the raw food talking and not your head??
I can relate to the decision making part. It was a process for me. When I realized I was only saying what I didn't want, I realized I had to formulate what I DO want. Uneasy feeling….
Maybe– though I did eat a good amount of cooked food again over the weekend!
Have you accomplished the outward "this is what I do want" path? I'm slowly doing it. *growing*