It is so crazy to me that a month has come and gone. We flew to Mexico over a month ago now. We rented a place and made it our home. And now, with with fleeing time, our moment in this space is gone. Thirty days done, and we’re saying goodbye to Playa Del Carmen and hello to the road. I’m excited for our two week road trip away. But I’m also sad… because this means we’re one step closer to heading home, to Florida.
It’s crazy to think what life would have been liked if, in the beginning of everything, we had picked to move to Mexico instead of Guatemala. I still would have gotten pregnant, and more than likely I still would have miscarried, but would we have gone home at all? I’m not sure. I honestly feel like we would have stayed. Like we wouldn’t be packing up and heading back to Florida at all. But I’ll never really know. No one will.
Cant we just stay? Sort of, but not without consequences. And so, we’re heading back. And we’ll see what the future holds… later. Without planning.
I’ll miss the acai bowls made with real acai and not sherbet too. Haha, I’m not sure whether its funny or pathetic that we cant find real acai bowls in Florida. Honestly, it almost makes sense… since everything leans towards processed and not fresh.
Alex asked if it would be crazy for us to build a tiny pool like this in our yard… maybe even smaller. And part of me is like, no this is totally doable. And part of me is like, I’d rather not save and spend that money— I’d rather save the money to move. You know? And look, plants coming in to my lunch seating. The best.
Packing up her backpack. A day the wifi went out and I needed to connect. She joined me with her coloring set.
Hot and sweaty mid day walks.
Popsicle stops to cool those mid day walks.
Tiny community markets.
quirky shops to explore.
When closed restaurants are your playground.
The cutest puppy in the window.
I wish I could be uplifting about our upcoming changes. But the truth is I know it’s going to hit me hard. I think for the most part I’m okay and trying to look at all the positives. And silly enough, the time I find myself most sad or falling into the negative thoughts is when I’m out looking at home good items to decorate our house. It’s so obvious. I’m blatantly trying to distract myself by finding and buying pretty things to make our home feel like Central America. Yet I know full and well, that no matter what I do, I’ll still be trapped in the box that is Florida. Stuck in a stiff air-conditioned box with no room for real air.
Each item we look at to potentially purchase stirs up emotions. Part of me thinks: decorate anyway. Make it a space you love, even if you are trapped indoors. And part of me thinks, why bother? Maybe time will move quickly and the purchases will be more insignificant than they were in the first place. I wont need them if and when I come back.
I’m dreading indoor life again. As I sit here now, I’m salty… and sweaty… and to be honest, I dont smell the freshest, and I could use a shower. But I would choose this over and over again before sitting with closed windows and air-conditioning. We’re not meant to live inside, without sun and air.
But I am trying. And I’m going to do my best to pack up and go into the future with open arms, hoping for the best. Our plan to shift and move changed over and over again. Just like life does… And I’m doing my best to enjoy every single last moment of these eight months away. And I’m going to do my best to bring and squeeze as much life and color from life as I can when we return.
For now, I’m going to take this all in. Each week, day, hour that passes. I’m enjoying it now, because like life, it’s moving too quickly.
ps. I miss Guatemala like crazy too. But Mexico feels like home.