After Travels

After travels –no matter how short of long of a trip it was or no matter where in the world it was, I feel like I’ve gained so much. I feel like I’ve grown so much. I’ve learned so much. Like I’ve discovered something new– not only about the place I’ve been too, but  that I’ve gained something deeper and further about myself.

As someone who is constantly and consistently working on never-ending growth, this feels good. But as a mother who is traveling with an actually growing child — this feels amazing. If as a 33-year-old woman can take away so much growth and experience from traveling and new (and sometimes very simple) experiences in the world , then I wonder how much my everyday growing, learning, absorbing sponge of a child gaining from our trips. It’s not a question whether traveling  is influencing Marlowe’s growth or not. We know it is everyday when she tells stories about the world and the villages and cultures she’s experienced. But its a question on how much— how incredibly much this is actually shaping her whole entire world.

I didn’t grow up with extensive travel like Marlowe has. I flew back and forth to Colombia a few times with my mother when I was young (younger than Marlowe). And my dad, well, he was a bit more of a traveler– and certainly adventuring soul like myself– but we never ventured too far. He would sometimes take my brother on trips to the Caribbean, but outside of that I lived in a space of home between New England and South Florida. But even still, I grew up with a deep question for “what else is out there?” — curiously and constantly questioning how big or small we were in the world and universe.

No amount of knowledge ever seemed enough. And to be honest, it still doesn’t. Whether I’m home or on the road, I’m taking it all in. And now I have a child who is also in this world, equally as curious and seeking knowledge– growing AND taking it all in– in ways I never could.

I’m excited for it. I’m excited to see how her world and life evolves. I’m excited to see what she takes away from our short and long trips together– who she expands into. I know it’ll be amazing (its already amazing) and I just cant wait to see it all.

Every time I come home I feel different. I want to leave again– not because I don’t love or like my home, but because I crave that feeling of learning more. I mean, yes, I do spend so much of my free time reading (Marlowe too) and gaining knowledge from the books I read, but that is one way of many to learn. But out there, hands on in the world is my preferred method for sure.

And maybe silly to some, but I’ve gained more security in myself this trip. That feeling and understanding that I lost in the last three years– I can feel myself slowly gaining it back. This trip helped with that. I look in the mirror and I see someone else. Yes, someone with short hair (this helped too), but something more. I’m not sure how to describe it honestly. But I feel like I’m getting back to that happy and confident place that I was in four years ago before I crashed. I’m still uncertain about many future things, but I feel secure.

This travel– this simple experience gave me that.

I’m not sure what the next year looks like, or even the next season, but I’m excited to feel like a gaining, growing, learning human in the world again. And I’m even more excited to watch my daughter evolve into her future and amazing self too. It feels good. Really good.

We’re back home now, it’s six in the morning and still dark outside. Alex and Leo are sleeping. And Marlowe and I, well, we’re still in London time. I’m not sure whats next, but I’m looking forward to it. <3<3