If I’m absent on this space… it’s never because I want to be. And it’s never because I’m out of photos and words. And it’s rarely because I’m too busy to be here (though sometimes it is). But usually, more times than not, it’s because my health is still lacking and things are unquestionably harder for me than they’ve ever been before. And every single action I take in my life requires so much more effort than ever before. And I only have so much energy to spend throughout my day in the down moments.
And sometimes I think that I should come on here and share what’s happening– because there are other people who are struggling just like me. But honestly, I’m tired of being a broken record. I’m tired of sharing my occasional ups and subsequent downs. I just can’t. Not this often. Not right now.
So if I’m absent, it’s not because I don’t care about this space, because I do. And it’s not because I don’t want to document, because I definitely do and I wish I could do so without energy and just by transferring my thoughts somehow. But honestly, I feel like maybe, more than anything, my lacking health is more of a reason than ever to document. But sometimes I cant. Whether physical or emotional, sometimes I cant.
And so I wanted to come here, with this little bit of energy that I’m harvesting tonight to say thank you– because as much patience as I’ve had to have on myself in the last three years of illness, I’m very aware that others must practice patience with me too. And sometimes people don’t want to and relationships fade. But some people stay and those are the people who mean the most to me. So thank you. Thank you for staying. Thank you for being here. I’ll keep saying it over and over but I appreciate it.