I manifested the friendship I wanted. And maybe needed too. It feels weird saying this aloud (text is aloud, right?). But even if something is hard or weird to openly admit, that doesn’t mean it’s not worth writing about. If anything, those are usually the things most worth expressing, are they not?
I mean, even in the impermanence of feelings, I’m grateful to share thoughts. That’s why I’m even still here in this space… because I can share and release. I’m not sure how I got so lucky to have such an incredible outlet to share my thoughts and ideas— a space that I could not only share but also create connections and bring in a profit if I choose to too. I guess in a way I sort of manifested that too. Because if anything, we’re manifesting all the things in our lives every day. Do you guys believe that? Or no? It’s hard to say, because then what does that say about the bad things in our life? Or the difficult things? I never wanted illness, but even in the discomfort, it did teach me growth. So maybe I needed that too. Like how I needed this space… Or a new friendship.
I’m lucky enough to have friends— all varieties. Meet in the sunshine friendship, dive deep in conversation on the couch friends, fair-weather friends, run of the mill friends, acquaintance friends, some that feel more like family than anything else friends, and more. I’ve certainly lost friends in my lifetime. And left many friendships too. I feel like illness, while hard, helped me weed through the ones that no longer served me. I don’t miss too many of the friendships past. I still have connections to most that matter.
I have friends, both near.. but many far. Friends, that if I could, I’d spend a lot more time with. But you know, life is what it is, and with different paths and plans, that’s just how things work. But I still consider myself lucky to have people that I can connect with, in a variety of ways.
The thing is, I do feel like a lot of things are missing here in south Florida for me. Outside of the lacking connection to nature I want… I have struggled a bit to find a group of like-minded individuals I’d choose. The people to eat all the fruit with, to revel in nature with, to spill out the weird ideas, theories, and dreams with. I’m sure it’s out there (I’m slowly finding it is)
And somehow, this year, I’ve found that. A new friend to share these joys with. How, in this sea of copy-paste buildings, did I find someone also striving so hard with the same goals and self-betterment dreams in mind? I’m not sure, it doesn’t seem real sometimes. I’m grateful for it. Someone who understands my healing, the yearning for the metaphysical, a sense of confusion in a modern-day world, the deep desire to grow. This I’ve found online too— and I’m grateful for these connections. But this new friendship acquired? It’s right here, just a very short drive away. The proximity is something I needed.
I’ve been feeling a lot of connected-ness lately. Like the things I’ve been looking for, have been slowly, but surely presenting themselves in my life. A friendship, maybe a small community, answers in growth and healing, and more. Like I’ve been putting in the work for all these years and the universe felt as if I was ready to tune in and connect.
I still have hopes and dreams of the future I want. Fairytale ideals and ideas. Fantasy play of all the scenarios in my life that would complete a story-book like life. But right here right now, this all feels good too. Like things are happening in what feels like a stagnant geographical place.
It feels weird stating I’ve created and found a new friendship. It’s like, announcing to the world that you have a new romantic relationship. A new special someone in your life that may or may not be there for an undetermined amount of time. A relationship you hope will last but has potential for crumbling. But let’s hope for the best. You know? What’s meant to be, is meant to be, right?
But I guess, what I’m saying, is that sometimes the universe gives you the things you wanted or needed when you didn’t even know you were looking for them in the first place. But I guess, looking back, I was yearning for someone I could physically sit and grow with, in a non-romantic way. Someone who fully understands the parts of me that seem out there to so many others.
I said it recently, but I guess you really can be re-born a million times over. This feels like a good reminder that shifts can occur at any stage of our lives. That… if we keep putting in the work, the universe will match us.
I feel listened to and loved. Thank you, universe.
*The photo above is from the drive home of said friend’s home. I took the scenic beach road home. The photo feels fitting.