I’ve laid in bed for about four hours procrastinating this post. I think I’m struggling from too many thoughts. It’s not a writer’s block. I’m full of ideas. I’m full of emotions. I’m full of ever flowing thoughts racing through my head. All these things that I’m not sure how to let out.

I want to just write about our trip to Toronto. But instead I’ve sat here for hours, wasting time, because the idea of truly just focusing on this one topic seemed far too out of reach. But maybe I’m ready now. Maybe I can put all my hurricane, earthquake, and anxiety fears aside and focus. Maybe I can consider me writing this post a lesson in mindfulness. Releasing the fears and putting the focus elsewhere.

I don’t know guys.

This feels like every private journal entry I’ve ever written for myself.


I want to just talk about all the crazy stuff… and good stuff that happened in Toronto. But it’s hard. I’m struggling to compartmentalized this post, these photos and days. But I’m going to try… because if I don’t, and I let it, this blog could quickly go into a series of overwhelming fears and anxieties that I’ve had and will continue to have until this extreme series of natural disasters stops.

Toronto was nothing short of interesting. It was an emotional experience for sure. I think (I know) it was the first time that I publicly cried (in video format) on my social networks. Our whole Massachusetts and Canada trip had gone really well. So well. Health wise, I was feeling well enough. Marlowe was having a good time. Alex had noticeably relaxed too. We were good. But getting into Toronto, well, if you didn’t follow my Instagram stories, it was rough. We had the worst experience with an airbnb host imaginable. We use airbnb quite a bit, you guys know this. And we’ve only ever had positive experiences (even while hosting). I mean, not all places we rented have been 100% amazing, but all were good. Our experience in Toronto was a nightmare. I partially blame myself. I should have read through the reviews completely to learn that this host was a dingbat. I saw a 4 star rating and went for it. Always read the reviews first, guys.

Honestly, it is so long after the fact now, that I don’t even want to get into the situation again. Can I also point out how crazy it is that I’m only now posting photos from this trip. This feels like a lifetime ago. I hate that. I like to write more in the moment… but there has been too many moments between posts to keep up. I’m not keeping up. But maybe that’s good. Maybe that means that life has been full. So full.

But let’s go back. The short version: we ended up barefoot, in pj’s, and wallet less, in the middle of the streets of Toronto at midnight.

The slightly longer version: Our host was clearly lacking brain cells and didn’t let us into the apartment until about 6 hours after check in. We weren’t even allowed to be in the building. We were told to not talk to ANYONE and not even go near the building while we were waiting to check in. And the apartment was nothing like it was portrayed. After we finally got in, and put Marlowe to bed (wayyy too late–), the fire alarm went off about 40 minutes later. And we were forced to run down 13 flights of stairs to exit the building (again, not talking to anyone else) into the streets. After about an hour I gave up and walked across the street to try to check into a hotel. I promised the hotel that we were not homeless or crackheads and explained to them our situation and why we were undressed in the middle of the night. They were booked— all the hotels in the area were completely booked. And I did what any other sane person would do: booked an uber on my dying phone (thank you to the hotel who let me plug it in for a few minutes to bring it back to life) and took said uber across town, to meet and stay with a friend I had made on the internet (but never met in real life) 5-6 years earlier.

I wish I had pictures to show you this experience. I don’t.

This all worked out. In the middle of the night we were greeted with open arms and a warm bed. Well, a super warm bed, because it was Toronto in summer, but that’s besides the point. The point is, the internet can be a really weird and downright terrible place, but the world likes to remind me from time to time that the internet is awesome. For the longest time, if you had asked Marlowe where she wanted to travel to, she would say Canada. She wanted to visit her internet friends, Harlow(e) and King. And I don’t blame her, I wanted to visit their parents. I mean, mostly Brandy, but Chris is cool too. Brandy was one of the first people who reached out to me when I started ohdeardrea. Well, after I had Marlowe I think. And we’ve chatted often since. She gets me on this internet. And I’m forever grateful for her and her Canadian accent.

And so the next few days, we said screw this awful airbnb experience and let’s enjoy these moments with the people who we now love more than ever. And so we did.
We had delicious vegan Jamaican food.
Explored hipster neighborhoods.

I worked a bit too…


And there was Mario games too. Which I am unarguably and undoubtedly the best at.

What was an awful experience turned into one of the most perfect ones. And Marlowe’s dreams came true.

Thank you Brandy and family for keeping Toronto weird, in the best way. Thank you for being my internet friends and now real life friend. Thank you for showing us all the vegan and Indian food. Thanks for understanding my bad jokes and weirdness too. I love you.

Toronto was interesting. Bad parts for sure. Emotionally challenging parts too. But I wouldn’t change it for anything– because it gave me the opportunity to enjoy more time with weirdos <3 I’d visit you again, Toronto. But I’d read the rental reviews next time for sure 😉

ps. I met Brandy through blogging, but she’s recently created her own amazinggg ethically made clothing company, franc. Check it out if you guys are looking for some amazing basics. Sort of perfect, right? Since I’m all about earring basics and mix and matching staple pieces and thats brandy’s whole jam too, right? win win. I love-love this new organic tee of hers. The best. Okay, I’ll stop boasting about her clothes, but seriously she’s so talented and her clothes are amazing. Check her out. Okay, love you guys. Bye.

Happy thoughts.


pps. It’s past midnight. I’m exhausted. Excuse all extra typos. K bye.

1 Comment

  1. Ugggh. That sounds horrible. We had a bad airbnb situation this summer too. It stinks b/c I love airbnb and don’t want other people to think negatively about it, but we had such a bad situation. Basically one of our hosts was OBSESSIVE about how she wanted her house to look. Which is so so stupid if you’re going to be an airbnb host. She ended up ranting about us to our faces for like 10 minutes, saying we were “the dirtiest people” she’s ever hosted. Ummm…. no. I can assure you there is no truth in that statement. Anyways I apologized and she never apologized to us… never even spoke to us again after that. And yeah, when we moved in she told us we could do whatever we wanted, they’re “no fuss” people…. she needs a major reality check. But fortunately it’s over now and we never have to see her again! Right? :/