The weather has been pretty amazing this weekend. I woke up sunday morning with no kid and no husband and fiddled around on my phone in bed, wanting to “relax” but really, not knowing how to. Don’t get me wrong, I like to put my feet up and I love peace and quiet, but I much prefer to find relax-ment in doing things— easy things, or happy things, and absolutely in outdoor things.
Alex picked up and left early morning to help out at a charity event at Swank Farms. He texted me not very long later asking if I could and would come. I wanted to. I mean, an outdoor event on a farm in the perfect weather? Kind of a dream sunday, but I wasn’t an attending–sitting to eat–guest and I just was unsure about the whole thing. I’ve touched on my anxiety before— and how it’s been bad– really bad. I am still in fact the most painstakingly shy person ever around a group of people I do not know. The idea of going up to a stranger? AWFUL. But I’m glad I picked up, put on shorts, and went. I’ll be a lot of things in my life— and have a lot of good qualities— but a shining front of house, charm your pants off kind of girl? Not so much. But regardless, I’ve come to find, I’ve come a loooooong freaking way with my anxiety. I mean, there was a point in time where I couldn’t leave my house alone. Now, well, I obviously can. But more than that, I can be completely and totally happy and comfortable standing by myself, talking to no one, in a group of hundreds of people I don’t know. No anxiety. Sure, it’ll maybe take me about two hours to feel comfortable enough to go up to anyone, but still, I’ve come a long way. It’s good to keep pushing myself forward. It’s the only way to get anywhere, right? 🙂
So I went. And the weather was perfect. And I’m still in love with the simplicity of that farm. You can see my first visit, HERE (Marlowe was such a peanut!) And even though the owners have no idea who I am, I have a pretty big crush on them. And I have major heart eyes for Alex— because well, he’s a babe. And I got to meet Lindsay Autry— whose instagram I’ve been not so quietly stalking— who Alex and I both agree, is a badass. (Sidenote: I think I’ve over used the word ‘badass’ waay to much this week.) And I met some other really nice people too. Hanging out at a farm was such a nice (and beautiful!) way to spend a sunday. I’m glad I went.
Another side note: even though it’s totally not going to be happening (which is okay, probably with both of us)… yesterday totally got me itchy to plan a real wedding. I mean, I loved eloping and I don’t regret it for a second, but our original tropical farm wedding idea was pretty darn beautiful too 🙂
11 Comments
Step by little step we get there!
Step by little step we get there!
congratulations on stepping outside of your comfort zone. you remind me so much of my husband (or how you used to be). he goes to work alone (obviously), but will not go anywhere else without me. i try to encourage him and ask him to do little errands, but he always replies, "i'll go WITH you…" baby steps.
Lovely pictures Drea, glad you managed to go along and have a good time.
beautiful photos! it looks like an amazing event. I struggle with anxiety as well but I'm trying to put myself out there more. i almost never regret it in the end 🙂
Rebecca @ tr[i]b[e]cca
I was so glad to read your linked post about generalized anxiety. I've just recently been going through anxiety recovery (therapy and maybe trying medication, and, most difficult of all, trying to accept that there's really something going on) and it's hard and it makes me feel less hopeless to know that I'm not alone in that.
It's funny how one can be so shy in front of people but so confident and forthcoming on this blog! Well, thanks for sharing 🙂
Haha! Well shyness and confidence (or lack of!) are two totally different things (usually!), but I def. am as open as they come 🙂
I feel as though I never left the "stranger danger" phase that children go through, and I'm nearing 30, hehe. But I'm totally okay and happy with that actually. I am happy to be alone and quiet in a crowd and just take it all in. If someone approaches me, fine, but I'll never do the approaching. And that's fine! That's why people like my husband exist – who can and will talk to anyone. We don't have to feel like we need to be that way if it's just not in our nature.
Love the pictures in this post, and your hair looks amazing!
thanks, jessica!