So I’m not doing great, but I’m not awful either. I write ten million blog posts in my head about my health, my fears, my questions, my everything, but my thoughts rarely make it to the keys. Thoughts about the future, the now, the past, heaven, sickness, wishes, everything. My mind raises often, always has, always will. And right now, my main priority has been to try to quiet my mind, or at least fill it with as many positive thoughts as I can to crowd out any fears or pains. The good news is, I have lots of good news. The bad news is, it’s been two months now that I’ve been sick, that I haven’t driven, that I’ve been half on and half living, and at times, I’ve hardly been living at all—- but I’m trying.

So let’s start with the scary and apparently most threatening stuff, my c. diff. Well, I’m happy (and nervous) to say, that I think I’m actually beating it. It seems as if my gut is on the mend. I mean, my gut still has A LOT of work to go through— I’ve got some IBS leftover to battle, I can’t eat raw foods at all (I miss you kale) and I’m on the most restricted diet ever. I lost ten pounds from the c. diff. Yes, ten pounds, which may not sound like a lot to some, but thats a good 10% of my body weight I had to unwittingly say goodbye to. I haven’t been at this weight in ten plus years, and honestly, never had planned to return to it. But I’m here. I think the scary thing about losing all this weight is that, if the c. diff returns, then what? I have no cushion to lose anything else. Yikes. So I’m doing the best I can to gain weight with this restricted diet and stomach issues. All my favorite protein sources, had been a no-no for my gut. I’m only finally adding some of them back in, but really: Beans? No. Nuts? No. Tofu? No way. Everything was and has been a ‘no’. I was eating mostly cooked, pureed beans, for a while, but was told to cut back on that too. And I’d be lying if I didn’t consider, on multiple occasions, asking for a bone broth. Fear and sickness can do some pretty funny things to you. But I’ve held back and have been determined to get healthy again, without the need to eat dead things. I did however, end up giving in and eating eggs. A middle ground, I guess. Pretty grossed out still, but it’s been the only real protein source my stomach can handle without issues. So, eggs are back in my life for the first time in 9 years. I plan on putting together a post on all the things that have helped me through the c. diff, but for now, I’m still working my butt off to ensure it wont return– because it can, easily. I’m not in the clear for at least three months. I do feel that if I can keep up with this diet for a few more months, adding in a few things, every once in a while, then I should be good.

But about a month of diarrhea? Ugh, I’ve been left completely depleted and malnourished, to say the very least. I had blood work done at the very start of all of this (before the malnourishment) and with the exception of three minerals, I wasn’t missing or low on ANYTHING. “Perfect” blood work, every time. No anemia, no b 12 deficiency, nothing. I was really healthy. Now, I’m low in so many things and trying my best to rebuild. I’ve been pulled out of the anemia I ended up with, but I’m still very far from thriving. I thought I had put back on two pounds this week, so that made me happy and very relieved— a sign that I am finally getting somewhere in this battle, but a visit to the doctors office proved otherwise. Nonetheless, I still do feel like I’m on the mend and I will gain the weight back, eventually.

The Dengue/viral infection thing? Who the hell knows. All I know is that whatever happened in those first two weeks of hell seems to have mostly have passed. I still get random sharp muscle pains– and my fatigue is ridiculous. Once upon a time, 6 hours was the perfect amount of sleep for me, now I’m looking at a 10 hour minimum to function— and by function, I mean, sit or lay somewhere other than my bed, but most likely just the couch. So for now, still mending and I spend most of my time, just trying to feel better. I’m doing the little things I can now, but open to all things that can help. I’ve been left with really low blood pressure that has been causing me a lot of issues. It’s not necessarily life threatening, but it’s definitely a problem. It’s possible (and likely) all of these issues may have caused some sort of endocrine dysfunction to occur in my body. I’m on a mission to find out exactly what and how I can help it get better. I’ve also ended up with more jaw issues from all of this— night time teeth grinding party. Boy, it hurts my gums, jaw, and, and ear area. But now I’m super fancy at night wearing a mouth guard. Watch out world, I’m bringing sexy back. It seems to be helping.

And the tumor discovered in my brain? Well, for starters, it’s there, but the good news? All signs point to benign. Of course, if it grows it will be an issue, and I will need surgery or treatment to shrink it, but for now, I can rest. The only plan is to watch it, carefully.

So things are good, or at least okay. I miss my active and fun life. I miss feeling super healthy. I miss pizza too of course, but things are okay. I’m going to start getting more acupuncture treatments and bring back some more gentle yoga in my life as my energy builds— if nothing else, to heal my mind. And I’m doing what I do best— I’m planning fun things, to give me more things to look forward to— you know, positive happy future goals. We head to New England soon, and if I’m up for it, Alex and I will be making a road trip to Vermont and maybe Montreal. Then we have a trip planned for July and August— so yes, I am determined to feel better by then and enjoy all the things I love most.

Thanks for being a positive force in my life, guys. It means a lot to me— all your warm wishes, prayers, positive thoughts, they do all help. Thank you for caring. I got you a rainbow. 


  1. It all sounds so crazy! I'm glad to hear you are getting better. Remember slow and steady wins the race. Man, I'll be sending you all the positive energy that I can!

  2. I'm so sorry you're having health problems. Sending positive thoughts your way.

  3. Sending love and healing your way. I'm a nurse and have had my colon removed as a result of a c.diff infection. I take vsl3 which is a probiotic and encourage you to look into. Warm foods/drink are good for you now. The eggs are good for you now too. I've found quinoa, rice, couscous, cooked carrots/squash/sweet or white potAtoes, bananas, peanut butter and full fat Greek yogurt (total fage) helped me along as I recovered. I also found acupuncture and yoga important for recovery. Be patient with yourself, healing takes time. You will be yourself again…strong and heAlthy. Hang in there, prayers being sent your way. You can navigate through this.

    • wow, thats so crazy! I'm so sorry to hear that, but I'm incredibly glad you're okay! Those things sound a lot like the things I'm eating— no bananas tho 😉 And coconut greek yogurt. We're making this egg/almond butter muffins too that have been a life lately.

      Just started back on the acupuncture and yoga this week. SO helpful!

  4. Aw Drea. I hope you get better soon. Thinking of you all the way over here in Australia xo

  5. I know you're vegan and all, and I totally respect one's choice to eat however they choose to eat especially when it is done in such a mindful way, but have you seriously considered the GAPS diet? This is an exceptional circumstance, as mentioned above. How is your stomach acid? I'm glad to hear you're on the mend, however slow the progress. Healing thoughts!

    • I'm basically doing a modified version of it— no meat of course– but adding in the eggs since my stomach digests it. I can't do raw foods at all though– and I know its recommended to eat some with a meal— because they really do a number on my stomach– just slowly adding in more things as I can. My acid has been really good! The only time I ever had issues with stomach acid and indigestion was when I ate dairy. Otherwise it seems mostly okay in there. Just either too fast moving or slow moving. It needs to work on it's balance 😉

  6. Glad to hear you are on the mend, this sounds so hard – especially as you were in such good health before! As a vegan myself, I can imagine how hard it was to make a change, but this is a truly exceptional circumstance and you have to prioritise your health. You don't seem like the type to let the vegan police get you down, but know that this one totally gets it!

    • Nah, no vegan police getting me down 😉 There's police for everything these days, but my theory is 'fuck it, were all doing the best we can (or should be anyway)'


    • Totally. I didn't mean to suggest that animal-cruelty concerns go out the window, obviously, but I can't imagine you buying any old eggs!

  7. Drea, I hope you feel better soon. You are taking all the steps you need to to ensure a healthy recovery. I hope you feel the support you have here as well. Looking forward to life can really do wonders (it got me through my bedrest). Hoping you feel 100% soon! xoxo

  8. Oh Drea. I can't even imagine what this has done to your mind. As someone with anxiety issues, I would be TOTALLY FREAKING OUT ALL THE TIME. I admire your strength and courage, though you may say "I have no choice" — I'd be in serious mental trouble. In August hopefully tacos will be back on your training table <3

    • I did often in the beginning. And frantically emailed and called people who I thought could help! Took a lot of my yoga breathing to get me through it. I fly in on the 20th.

  9. Oh my, this is a laundry list of issues. We had to get night guards because of tension headaches and it totally helped. Screw sexy, healthy is sexy. 🙂

    Send you positive energy and thoughts. Get better soon!

  10. Drea, you've been to hell and back I think. I'm glad that things are finally headed in the right direction, even if it's a very slow road at the moment. Hopefully the healing will speed up in time, but for now you are doing the right thing in listening to your body, sleeping, resting, eating carefully. I do hope your recovery carries on apace. Sending you a big cyber hug. CJ xx

  11. Thanks for the rainbow! :* Keep praying for you – I pray that "The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:7). Praying that you get better quickly too!! Don't feel bad (at all) to take it easy – that's what your body needs. Take a nice bath, that always helps me feel a little better.

  12. You, your blog, and your words are always a positive element and mood boost in my daily life. If more bright colors would help, I'm totally creating and sending you a painting. Let me know!

  13. Hi Drea,
    You are so strong, and such an inspiration to your readers. Hang in there! Also, if you truly feel like drinking bone broth would help you, maybe it is something you should try! I'm a vegetarian myself, but have read pretty amazing testimonies about the stuff. I think of it in two ways — 1. I'm super impressed and proud that you are able to stick with your beliefs even at your worst, and 2. I would also understand if you needed to delve into the dark unknown for a bit in search of some unique medicine, kind of like a hero's journey. I certainly don't think you would take it for granted. Either way, I support you and what you need to do to stay well. Hey, maybe there is even a vegetable broth that is just as nutritious–what about something with mushrooms?

    • I agree. If you get bones to make broth, someone else would have just thrown them away and that's just a wasted part of that animal's life. As for not eating "dead things," your plants are dead when you eat them, no? There's no free life in this world – it all comes at the cost of other lives. Whether you eat dead animals, or bugs died when you kept them off your vegetables, or animals died when the field was tilled to grow your grains, or animals died or were displaced when your house was built, roads were built, the factory where your clothes, furniture, baking dishes are made were built, etc., some creatures have to die for your life. I admire how much you thrift and reuse, but remember no life is free. Just another way you might want to think about bones… Bone broth keeps my autoimmune arthritis at bay in a way no vegetable or supplement can.

    • wren– totally debated. multiple times! but at the end of the day, beyond the emotional part, I just couldn't do it, it grosses me out too much! Even as a kid it was hard for me to stomach meat (pun intended). If it was life and death, I'm sure I would do it— but if I can avoid it and still heal my gut, then I'm skipping it 🙂

      My diet has also kept me away from mushrooms, I'm trying to do a low mold diet too— through to be honest, I do think Alex adds them to the stock sometimes without telling me 😉 BUT one thing that has REALLY helped has been miso broths! I can feel a huge difference the following day 🙂

      organic spicy ginger: you know what I meanly dead things— like, once walking, pooping, bleeding things. I don't have it in me to eat it. That being said, I didn't mean to offend you– if bone broth works for you, thats great, it's just not up my alley! Alex eats animals everyday andI love him and I'm definitely okay with it, it's just not for me. And I definitely agree on the wasted part of an animals life— thats one of the things I say most often, if you're going to eat meat, you better be able to use the whole animal– and not just a cooked piece of chicken. Use all of it, don't waste it, or step away from it. Yes, I don't like to think of dead animals, but I'm also (sometimes mostly) a vegan for the sustainable and eco factors involved. And for my health too, Ive ate it all, been vegetarian, been primarily raw, and have been vegan, but my body definitely thrives and is healthiest as a vegan.