Hi friends, how are you? I want to tell you that I’ve been wonderful. But man, I really haven’t. I’m sitting here with the door open, staring at a gorgeous pool with palm fronds blowing in the breeze above and sunshine speckling through— but I tell you, I wish I and it felt as wonderful and glamorous as it sounds. I’m kind of a big (small, I guess) noodle-y blob of meh-ness right now. This is the first time I’ve even opened my computer in dayssssssssss!

I’m 32 and alive.

I headed down to Miami on friday night for a dinner with one of the media companies I work with. I dropped off Marlowe at Celia’s, picked up Celia, and made our way to south beach. It was a fun time, met some rad people, ate some healthy food, drank some cocktails, etc etc.

I thought it would be a good way to go into my birthday weekend. Did I mention that it is/was my birthday? It was. I didn’t make any big plans or really tell anyone. I just wanted something easy. And I didn’t want to over think it. Or be let down. Or all the other slightly pessimistic thoughts I often think when I think of my birthday. Ya know?

But/and instead of wanting to go out– like I would have any other year before, I was beat. Really beat. I think everyone has been feeling it around us lately. So many people I know seem to be confused to why they’ve got extra sniffles, and sneezing, and mucus and all the things. I was blaming mango flowers, but now I don’t know. Not everyone I know is allergic to mango flowers.

Anyway, I woke up Saturday to surprise birthday cupcakes (yay! Thank you Celia!). Well actually, Marlowe ruined the surprise about thirty minutes before (haha). She’s been really good at surprise-ruining this year 😉  Ate a cupcake and spent the morning and afternoon in Miami. But as each hour passed I felt worse and worse, more and more nauseous. I think I managed to take one picture the whole day…. of an avocado. (obviously).

Maybe food poisoning. I really have no idea. But I spent the next two days trying not to puke (not very successful) and the next three days with a fever. Well, whatever it was, it knocked my immune system down hard. Because I woke up on the third day with a sore throat and feeling like a virus creeped inside of me. Who knows. This whole “shitty immune system after c. diff” thing can stop anyyyyyytimeeee now. I mean, all in all, I’ve been getting better– significantly better in the last half a year, but it’s still tough to not feel a constant flaming ball of amazing awesomeness (super realistic expectation, I know).

I don’t know. I should have maybe been more careful with what I ate. It’s just that sometimes I want to believe that I didn’t develop allergies, because other than milk, I never ever had food allergies before c. diff.  And so sometimes I try to eat things that I probably shouldn’t. And then I feel it. (Whattajerk.) I say it all the time, my life is broken up into parts, before c. diff and after c. diff– but now I need to remind myself that the after c. diff allergy part is okay– I just have to accept it and take care of it too.

So yeah, another birthday thats followed by me feeling like garbage. Like, the universe needs to remind me that I’m getting older and not younger. (I got it, universe).

Whatever. I’m not here to complain. I mean, that wasn’t my intention— I just needed to let out all the reasons to why this place has been radio silence lately.

Because other than the sudden worthless body and useless mind feeling this week, things have been really good.

We actually head back to our house next week. The guests check in today is our last one. I blocked off new requests until further notice. We’ll probably open it up when we travel and things like that. I’m going to miss Kristian’s house a lot. I told him yesterday that we were leaving this week and his response was, “Already?!” — time FLEW BY, so fast. I think he’s going to miss us too 🙂

I planned to do a whole post about our time here and our airbnb experience, but like I said, the uselessness is high right now for me. I’d rather give myself another day or two and put together a better post for you guys. But overall it’s been good. We had one review that left us four stars instead of five stars and I wanted to cry… andddddd this is why I don’t do competitive sports. I started questioning everything. Where did I go wrong? Why did everyone else love our place but not them!? etc etc. I mean, logically I know that three is average and four is good, but WHY NOT FIVE?! Hahahayeahhh, I maybe took it personal, but really, the whole thing has been good.

It’s been a real eye opener and aid in a lot of ways. As I hoped it would be. I think the hardest part has been cleaning up Kristian’s kitchen messes. My new nickname is now “frat mom”— which works for me, I guess. I’ve always been the mom of the group. Even in middle school my guy friends called me the mom of the group. I’ll take it. I just like to take care of everything, ya know?

Alright friends. Today is officially Marlowe’s last day of school. (More on that soon!) I gotta clean up and make my last loop in the carloop! Then I gotta figure out what we can do together outside on this fine day– that doesn’t require too much of my brain or energy 😉 And if all else fails, we’ll be sitting on Kristian’s couch watching Gilmore Girls for hours– because it’s been that kind of week and we’re totally okay with that.

I hope you guys had an amazing week. And have an even better weekend! I know it’s been cold and snowy for a lot of you guys. (Cold for us here too). But hopefully you’ve been taking advantage of it as extra cuddle time? I’ll be back Sunday (Monday the latest) with posts that (hopefully) make more sense and don’t involve mucus in the rambles. Cool? Cool.

Have a great weekend friends!

ps. I just re-read this. I’m going to work on the whole extra Debbie downer birthday thing next year 😉 

8 Comments

  1. The whole new normal after illness thing feels super relevant to me right now. I'm going through yet another autoimmune flare after eating some chili flakes on a salad last weekend. Sometimes it just feels like sh** and sometimes you think this is ok, I'm feeling like my old me. It's hard to process, but I try to remind myself that there are people who have it much worse than I do, I'm not in chronic pain and I don't have cancer. Thanks for sharing!

    • its true.

      I'm constantly reminding myself at where I was to where I'm at now. I'm not bedridden. I'm mostly functioning. I have more up time than down time now. Most of my symptoms have cleared. and best of all, I'm not dead. I'm still going. We all are going <3

  2. It's sucky to feel sick on your birthday but as you stated you're 32 and alive and that's something worth celebrating on the couch with vegan ice cream, while binge watching Gilmore Girls. Happy Belated Birthday!

  3. I laughed out loud at the Airbnb 4 stars ✨and why you don't so competitive sports…your questions are too much. Thank you for brightening my day with that! Happy Belated Birthday!

  4. Happy birthday! I guess…..
    Sorry you're feeling like this. My family and i have been fighting germs since january. And mostly loosing the battle 🙁

  5. HAPPY birthday Drea! 🙂 sadly, I've been going through lots of body problems these days.. I mean, I literally feel swollen, depressed, anxious and just life-loathing. Feels like my hormones are really messed up, and I hate the bloating.. none of my clothes really fit anymore and I have no idea what to do.

  6. Life after c diff has been a roller coaster for me as well. Eventually it's all gonna even out right?? Hope this next trip around the sun is full of love, light and healing. ✌

  7. Happy (belated) birthday Drea! Thanks for another honest post, I always appreciate how you don't hide behind your blog but truly share from the heart. While stories of people being sick and drinking a potion that magically makes them better can be fun to read, it's really encouraging to know there is someone else who continues to fight health battles, it helps me not to feel so alone.

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