As you guys obviously know, we’ve been wandering for a while now. Since October. In search for adventure and more. For the past two months or so, the thing that’s been keeping me alive (besides the obvious, you know, friends and family) is the idea or warmth. I’ve held on to that feeling of sunshine for a long time now.

I felt that feeling of sunshine this week. For the first time since the last week of November. I took in every second of it and refused to let it go. The warmth from the sun might in fact be my favorite feeling in the world. Is that a normal “favorite thing in the world” to have? If asked, “what is your favorite thing in the world?” (besides a person), what would it be? The warmth of sunshine is mine. I crave it. And I’ve lived every day this cold winter with the idea that I would have that again soon.

When we left Guatemala we knew we couldn’t go home for a while. We planned to stay with my mom until my morning sickness subsided and then planned to hit the road again– somewhere warm. Well, as you guys know the miscarriage came on our way north. But still, we stuck around a bit with no morning sickness, but still a need to heal.

And as soon as I felt comfortable enough, we planned. And when everyone asked us where we would go, we said “somewhere warm.” Jamaica, India, Mexico, we weren’t sure… just somewhere warm that we could fit in our budget and feed our souls (and bellies) easily.

But now, instead of being somewhere warm, we’re here, somewhere with a frigid chill at night. Previously in a place known for winter frost and more. We left the cold for more cold. And again. Maybe everyone is right, maybe I’m glutton for punishment. But maybe I just want to see what more I can endure.

I know the everyday (and night) warmth will come again. The tropical juicy fruits to cool the sweat will come. But until then, I’m taking any little bits of sunshine I can while I enjoy the company of family and friends in the places I would prefer to travel to— “only in summer”. Out of my comfort and into winter travel to learn more about the world, to enjoy the other best things in life (the warmth of friendship), and in someway test myself.


The miscarriage thoughts don’t sting anymore. When someone asks about our travel plans and what brought us here, I can easily talk about it. It happened, it sucked, now were here, and we don’t know where we’ll head next. And that’s okay. I am at peace with everything. I do wonder what our life would have been like if we stayed in Guatemala. Would we still be there now? Would we have left anyway? Would we have our home set up? And more. But I don’t dwell too much on the “what ifs” of the pregnancy/baby. I’m past that.

And now.. as I’m typing, I’m sitting on a couch across from Marlowe and Alex.  Alex just looked up and said, “Man, I miss Guatemala.” Neither one of us has mentioned Guatemala for weeks, other than comparing it to the streets and people of Nepal. I don’t know what that is… that moment where you both think of a place you once aimed for, separately.  That moment just happened.

There’s ups and downs and positives and negatives about everywhere. In Florida it’s the mosquitos and the Americanization of everything that I can’t stand. In other places it might be the cold temps or the pollution. I don’t actually know if I miss Florida, other than my friends and family of course. And sometimes, but only sometimes, I do know I miss the ease and convenience of it all. But it never truly felt like where I belonged, like, “this is it.” There’s a lot to love and dislike about each place you visit or live. For now we’re enjoying the goodness about each place we visit and growing through the difficulties.


Wherever we are and wherever we go I am happy to know that not only is Marlowe growing through each phase, but so am I. I’m moving past difficulties and both emotional and physical pain. I’m growing into each next step in my life. I’ll live for the warmth of life everyday.

Ps. In case any of you guys were wondering, these photos were taken at Fruit and Spice Park Homestead South Florida. You can see more places to visit in this South Florida Travel guide. Maybe a few months or so before our move to Guatemala. With Marlowe’s long flowing hair, those unseen, but present south florida mosquitos, and endless bundles of growing mangoes to remind us of times before. Another life. A stepping stone into this one.

4 Comments

  1. Hey, I’ve been a reader of your blog for years and years now. I love the way you write and the insights you have. I’m pretty [haha, totally] shy and awkward though and have only ever commented once, and then was too nervous to reply to your lovely comment back. I’m really sorry about all the health issues you have, and have had. I myself have a rare chronic illness and deal with chronic pain every day, so I know that type of thing is not always easy. I hope this doesn’t come across as strange, but I’ve been wondering if you have ever looked into whether you have vitamin B12 deficiency? A friend of mine was diagnosed with MS last year due to symptoms such as numbness, tingling, dizziness, vertigo, mind fog, etc. Because of this, the further she and a new doctor looked into it, they came across the B12 deficiency and think that most if not all of her symptoms are actually because of that. I’m well aware I may be way off the mark, and I hope you don’t think I am trivializing anything you have been through or do go through. It’s just from reading what you’ve said about your conditions in the past, when my friend told me about it, it made me think of you. There are a wide array of symptoms, and some do have linking conditions so it can be difficult to know for sure without proper testing. In the UK it is not widely tested, and the testing isn’t great, so I don’t know what the situation is in the US.

    I’ve been thinking for a while whether to comment about this or not because I don’t want it to come across the wrong way – it may be something so obvious that you’ve already thought about it or had it checked out anyway, and obviously I don’t actually know if it relates to you – some of the things just made me think about you and I wanted to make sure you know it’s a thing to look out for, just in case.

    Anyway, I hope this doesn’t come across as weird or like I think I’ve got the answers or anything like that. I hadn’t heard of it until my friend went through this late last year, so I don’t know that much about it other than what she’s told me. Here’s a link to some information that she gave me, just in case it’s useful: http://www.b12deficiency.info/signs-and-symptoms/

    I hope you and the family are having wonderful travels,
    Amy.

    • hey hey! Sorry for the delay! In my blood, my vitamin b12 is fine. I know the blood tests dont show whats actually happening with b12 in your gut. But I do take it pretty often, so I doubt I’m too low. Hopefully!

  2. Is this a farm? Mango is my all-time favorite fruit! Please tell me, where in Homestead is this place located?

Write A Comment